wanting more..

i realized that i dont know how to handle all the emotions im feeling right now...i got accepted to school i have a job thats under performing for me. i have alot to get done in a little amount of time. i have people in my life im worrying about more then i am myself...i need to stop this...tonight i had a mini freak out, i embarrassed myself alot...i didnt mean to...i dont want to lose whats dear to me. i started freaking out and worrying about me being white trash...what the fuck is that shit?! i think that because i realize or fear that i am it stops me from being so. i know that i could do better then i am but im doing what i can right now. im so afraid of everything that im letting it affect everything...my mind, my body, my job, my relationship with friends...this fear...this terror...the anxiety...im going to end up putting wedges into my relationships and i need to stop. i am so afraid of everything im acting out. damn...